Labels

At a conference recently I found myself intrigued by name badges – from handwritten stickers to colourful, typeset printed lanyards. What had I chosen to put on my badge – name, title, company, location? Unimaginative maybe, but practical. At break times our badges provide a snapshot of information to facilitate introductions, to find areas of interest and seek out new information, and mostly this works. (The equivalent of asking ‘Bride or Groom?’ at weddings.) I have grown my network and learned new things on many such occasions. However, at this particular conference I found myself making assumptions based on the badge information leading to one of those puzzling, cross purposes conversations that left both parties slightly dissatisfied.

Having politely extricated myself from the awkwardness I sat in a corner of the exhibition hall sipping my coffee and thinking about our other badges. The badges, or perhaps the labels, we use in daily conversations with colleagues, friends, family and ourselves. 

Commentators have noted that labels and badges help us to understand ourselves, enable us to make connections with like-minded individuals and find our community or tribe. In many ways I love a label – probably something that started with comparing answers to the teen magazine personality quizzes with school friends to discover if I was a party person (or not!). In more career parlance I am ENFP, consistently and no matter how many versions of MBTI I complete, and I am comfortable with this label. I can relate to it and I find it useful. You might say I am happy with it!   In contrast, my colour of leadership varies and, in my view, is influenced by the role I have at the time and my general sense of satisfaction and well-being. 

Given the afore mentioned awkwardness, I started to consider the possible hinderance of labels.  When can and do labels hold us back or make us closed to new possibilities? Can they give us the means to reject, make sweeping assumptions about others and limit our own potential? I confess it did not take me long to conclude that the answer to all these questions is ‘yes’! I thought back over the last few months noting the times and context for clients referring to something to justify a situation or hide behind. I have listened back on my own conversations too - I am not immune!

“…of course, my trouble is I am introverted so I can’t speak in public….”

“….I won’t offer to help as I am not a completer-finisher…..”

“….I am only a manager in the team, the VP won’t be interested in my thoughts…..”  

How easily we use our labels negatively and how when asked what we have to contribute, our first port of call is describing all the things that we (believe) we cannot do or are no good at.

One particular client session really stood out – let’s call them J.  J shared the report from a psychometric test, which summarised nearly 30 descriptors or traits, graded as a % as to what extent J exhibited these traits. 

When I asked what J thought of the results the immediate (and very rapid!) response focussed on the 3 traits J perceived as negative, completely disregarding the other 25 traits. J was certain that these 3 were the correct items to focus on in the context of the coaching goal. If I have a curious face, I was most likely wearing it at this point in our session…..how helpful were these assumptions and were they true? 

We explored further – talking, listening, challenging, reflecting. There were lightbulb moments and pauses for thought leading to a helpful change. The information in the report was considered differently – the perceived negatives were put into context and understood, becoming less of the focus of attention; the items to leverage and grow were captured using all the available information. J visibly relaxed, became more motivated and focussed on their goal – they worked hard on their thinking and invested their energy in the items of most relevance.  The learning for J, and me, is clear. The report provided a means to start a conversation and consider options – it was not information be taken at face value, rather a trigger for exploration and personal growth.

Going back to my question – are labels a hinderance or help? In my view the answer is 'yes'. Labels are just words and if, like me, you love the Thesaurus, you will know that for every word there are plenty of alternatives. If one word does not resonate, pick another one! The word is a conversation starter not a few letters to define us or to hide behind. Have fun exploring and learning more about you and the people around you.   

💡Do use labels as a conversation starter – with yourself and others

💡Do be curious and seek to understand what might be behind the label

💡Don’t hold on to them – we are not a label; we are living, breathing people with emotions, experiences and skills